Over the past several weeks,I have found myself struggling in almost every area of my life. I was feeling like I was trying so hard to keep my life and all of the aspects of it in order but no matter what I did, I was just failing at everything. Those of you who have read my blog before know that my demons are perfectionism and failure and I have to say that they have begun to attack in a fierce way.
I began to pray a few days ago that God would continue to change me and make me more like Him. I really don't think that I realized what I was asking for though. Because over the last several days, I have recognized things about myself that are just ugly and I have been in a lot of personal anguish about it.
I have battled major depression before and I don't want to get back to that point. Because of my perfectionsim and failure issues, I don't like to admit when I am wrong or when something is wrong with me. But I know that I have to if I really do want to be more like Christ. So here is my confession...
I love to sing and I am so very thankful to God that he blessed me with that ability and allowed me to grow up in a musical family. As a member of a praise team, I began to take that talent for granted though and I know that God recognized that in me. When I learned that I would not be able to use my talent in a public way, I was hurt.
Because I was hurting, I felt like I didn't really have a place in ministry and that everyone was just out to hurt me or the people that I love. This is stupid, I know, but this is how my mind works.
Now I understand that this is not about me. I know that God will only allow me to be used for a greater purpose if I learn to humble myself and do what He asks. So here goes...
I am truly sorry to the people that I have hurt over the past several months and I hope that you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I am still growing as a Christian and it is hard, but I needed to take this step. I sincerely pray that God will continue my Metamorphosis as I begin to grow closer to Him and step further and further outside of my comfort zone.
Peace!
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Crystal dont get discouraged. I believe God is working on you and through you. I really do enjoy being around you Barry , reese and cooper. I would like for you to break that shell you have when alot of people are around. I want to get to know you more and be a true christian brother and friend. ME and Carrie will do anything for u and Barry! I will PRAY for you that God will help you defeat all your demons!, and if you Barry need someone to watch the kids so you guys can spend some time 2gether just say the word. were not here 2 judge were here 2 build you up. God has really laid you on my heart. anyway i hope this encourages u , cya at meeting Fridy! YOUR BROTHER IN CHRIST DAVID BARNES. P.S. REMEMBER GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU THAN IS IN THE WORLD LATER
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