Amazing Grace

Yesterday morning when I got to school there was a note in my mailbox. It had been typed and printed off of a computer (I'm assuming so I would not recognize the handwriting). The only thing on the paper was this: Matthew 6:1,6:5-7.

I went to my classroom and took out my Message Bible to read the verses and this is what I read:

"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding."

"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?"
Here's what I want you to do:" Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and advice, peddling techniques for getting you what you want from God."

To say that I was shocked and hurt would be an understatement. This has come in response to the group of teachers that meets in my room on Wednesday mornings for prayer and devotion. I don't even conduct the devotion or lead the prayer usually. I simply started this group so that we could have an opportunity to hear God's word and pray together for each other, our students, and our school.

I don't believe that this individual knows me personally, but I just want this person to know that there is nothing fake about my love for my God. I am not acting - I actually do believe in the BIBLE and I actually do believe that through amazing grace, God sent His Son, Jesus to save me. I will not be a quiet Christian!! I live out loud for God because I want the world to know what He has done in my life. God's word tells us in Matthew 28:18-20, "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train evryone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son , and Holy Spirit. Then instuct them in the practice all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day, right up to the end of the age."

I believe that God is pleased with what I am doing in his name. I pray daily that I will not be allowed to do anything that takes glory and honor from my Savior. God saved my life - He changed me and made me a new creation.

I pray that the person who put that note in my box will find peace and rest in Christ and that they will be confronted with God's love and mercy daily until they can no longer stand to be quiet about God's work in their own life.
Peace..

Change gonna come...

Over the past several weeks,I have found myself struggling in almost every area of my life. I was feeling like I was trying so hard to keep my life and all of the aspects of it in order but no matter what I did, I was just failing at everything. Those of you who have read my blog before know that my demons are perfectionism and failure and I have to say that they have begun to attack in a fierce way.
I began to pray a few days ago that God would continue to change me and make me more like Him. I really don't think that I realized what I was asking for though. Because over the last several days, I have recognized things about myself that are just ugly and I have been in a lot of personal anguish about it.
I have battled major depression before and I don't want to get back to that point. Because of my perfectionsim and failure issues, I don't like to admit when I am wrong or when something is wrong with me. But I know that I have to if I really do want to be more like Christ. So here is my confession...
I love to sing and I am so very thankful to God that he blessed me with that ability and allowed me to grow up in a musical family. As a member of a praise team, I began to take that talent for granted though and I know that God recognized that in me. When I learned that I would not be able to use my talent in a public way, I was hurt.
Because I was hurting, I felt like I didn't really have a place in ministry and that everyone was just out to hurt me or the people that I love. This is stupid, I know, but this is how my mind works.
Now I understand that this is not about me. I know that God will only allow me to be used for a greater purpose if I learn to humble myself and do what He asks. So here goes...
I am truly sorry to the people that I have hurt over the past several months and I hope that you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I am still growing as a Christian and it is hard, but I needed to take this step. I sincerely pray that God will continue my Metamorphosis as I begin to grow closer to Him and step further and further outside of my comfort zone.
Peace!