Signing Off

I am going to be moving my blog. You can find my new space at www.crystalledford.wordpress.com

Stumbling Giants

It seems that every body I talk to lately is struggling with something. As those of you who read this blog regularly know, I have been through my share of struggles lately as well. Giants...people.
Giants want to take over our lives. They taunt us and haunt us. They push us and pull us knowing that it would only take one more good yank and some of us would fall. Giants.
We can't allow them to win! That's not how the story goes. It only takes one stone... We have to stay focused on God - a hard thing when we have the feeling that we are going up the creek without a paddle.
The struggle stinks, but if we stay faithful, God will pull us through it. He wants to know that we trust Him and that we sincerely rely on Him to take care of us.
We all need to pray for the pastors in our church, as well as each other. Our prayer should be that God would force us to change and even though it may be painful that we would become more like Him. Change is difficult and its not always easy, especially when God moves us in a direction that we are uncomfortable going in, but we don't have a right to complain.
In the words of Max Lucado, "Focus on Giants, you stumble. Focus on God, your Giants tumble!"
Peace

Last One Standing

"I'm gonna be the last one standing, fighting for something much bigger than me..."
These are the words to a Mercy Me song that I heard on the way to school this morning. So many people have offered encouraging words over the past few days, but the reoccurring theme has been to stay in the ring and fight.
I am going through Max Lucado's Facing Your Giants with my devotion group at school on Wednesday mornings and I was reminded of that theme again as I read Chapter 1 to them this morning. David wasn't perfect...he messed up...alot, but God still called him a man after his own heart. (Acts 13:22)
I know that I'm not perfect...I'm not ever going to be perfect. I also know that I love God and He loves me enough to look past my imperfection and see the real me - the me that He designed me to be.
I also realize now, after much affirmation, that because I am doing what I feel God has called me to do, that I am going to receive what Barry calls "hate mail..." I'm just going to try to take the advice of a friend and throw it away from now on.
Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice!
Peace!

Chasing me

I have been struggling ever since I got that anonymous bible verse in my box at school. I have started to question myself about everything. I just feel like I don't really know what I'm doing anymore or who I'm really doing it for.
I love God and there is no doubt in my mind that he came into my heart and saved my life in February 2006. I don't want to do or say anything that would ever take glory and honor away from my Heavenly Father. I'm really confused and scaired.
Last night, I fought with a demon. All night long, he chased me and he has begun to make me question my every word and deed.
Its crazy how the devil can use God's word to get to me...
Right now, I need prayer,but I'm afraid to ask for it because I don't want to draw attention to myself and away from God. I don't really know what to do, except to continue to pray that God will help me through this.

Amazing Grace

Yesterday morning when I got to school there was a note in my mailbox. It had been typed and printed off of a computer (I'm assuming so I would not recognize the handwriting). The only thing on the paper was this: Matthew 6:1,6:5-7.

I went to my classroom and took out my Message Bible to read the verses and this is what I read:

"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding."

"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?"
Here's what I want you to do:" Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and advice, peddling techniques for getting you what you want from God."

To say that I was shocked and hurt would be an understatement. This has come in response to the group of teachers that meets in my room on Wednesday mornings for prayer and devotion. I don't even conduct the devotion or lead the prayer usually. I simply started this group so that we could have an opportunity to hear God's word and pray together for each other, our students, and our school.

I don't believe that this individual knows me personally, but I just want this person to know that there is nothing fake about my love for my God. I am not acting - I actually do believe in the BIBLE and I actually do believe that through amazing grace, God sent His Son, Jesus to save me. I will not be a quiet Christian!! I live out loud for God because I want the world to know what He has done in my life. God's word tells us in Matthew 28:18-20, "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train evryone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son , and Holy Spirit. Then instuct them in the practice all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day, right up to the end of the age."

I believe that God is pleased with what I am doing in his name. I pray daily that I will not be allowed to do anything that takes glory and honor from my Savior. God saved my life - He changed me and made me a new creation.

I pray that the person who put that note in my box will find peace and rest in Christ and that they will be confronted with God's love and mercy daily until they can no longer stand to be quiet about God's work in their own life.
Peace..

Change gonna come...

Over the past several weeks,I have found myself struggling in almost every area of my life. I was feeling like I was trying so hard to keep my life and all of the aspects of it in order but no matter what I did, I was just failing at everything. Those of you who have read my blog before know that my demons are perfectionism and failure and I have to say that they have begun to attack in a fierce way.
I began to pray a few days ago that God would continue to change me and make me more like Him. I really don't think that I realized what I was asking for though. Because over the last several days, I have recognized things about myself that are just ugly and I have been in a lot of personal anguish about it.
I have battled major depression before and I don't want to get back to that point. Because of my perfectionsim and failure issues, I don't like to admit when I am wrong or when something is wrong with me. But I know that I have to if I really do want to be more like Christ. So here is my confession...
I love to sing and I am so very thankful to God that he blessed me with that ability and allowed me to grow up in a musical family. As a member of a praise team, I began to take that talent for granted though and I know that God recognized that in me. When I learned that I would not be able to use my talent in a public way, I was hurt.
Because I was hurting, I felt like I didn't really have a place in ministry and that everyone was just out to hurt me or the people that I love. This is stupid, I know, but this is how my mind works.
Now I understand that this is not about me. I know that God will only allow me to be used for a greater purpose if I learn to humble myself and do what He asks. So here goes...
I am truly sorry to the people that I have hurt over the past several months and I hope that you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I am still growing as a Christian and it is hard, but I needed to take this step. I sincerely pray that God will continue my Metamorphosis as I begin to grow closer to Him and step further and further outside of my comfort zone.
Peace!

What does it mean to be called?

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

When I first was saved, I kept hearing people say things like "God called me..." or "God told me.." I have to admit, I was a little confused. As far as I knew we could not hear God audibly. So I began to try to figure out how to know when God is talking if my ears can't hear his voice. After reading about this (hey, I'm a teacher, so I always read about stuff first) and talking with people who told me that they had heard from God, I began to realize that God speaks to our hearts, individually. God has a personal conversation with us that no one else can hear, just like when I got saved...it was God who was talking to me and saying I needed to give my life to Him.
When people say they have been called by God to do something, only them and God know for sure. It is not for the rest of us to sit around and speculate whether or not we think that God has called someone to accomplish a specific task that He has placed upon their heart. We can not interfere with the call of God...we will be held accountable for our actions and He will accomplish His task with or without the support of people. God does not need us, but He does want us to be a part of something greater than ourselves.
As Christians, we are held responsible for sharing the gospel of Christ...this is our primary task. We must not allow our lives to be filled with selfish desires, but we must turn to God to understand that what He wants is to have His name and His message shared with everyone, not just the people we know or see everyday. This is a God-sized task that only He can accomplish, but if we open our hearts and minds, we will have the opportunity of being a part of something as awesome as this.
Please pray for our pastor and our families as God begins to move in our lives.